My woman left me (guide for abandoned men)

Sooner or later, it happens to all of us. To me happened not so long ago. If it didn’t happen to you… it will. And if it happened… it will probably happen again.
The more awake women are, the more ruthless they become.
When they feel that love is gone, or it’s asleep, or realise that maybe it was never there… there’s nothing you can do to get them back.
From that moment it’s over, even if you’re not been verbally told and you’re still living together. Usually, if you are lucky, she gives you an “adjustment period” but only because she’s sorry for you, not because she didn’t realize it’s time to leave.
They demand LOVE… nothing less… and they are right, even if it can really hurt us. Us, men, when it come to opening to emotions, are thousands of years behind them.
They’re not satisfied by the love of the mind, by affection, or living together just because “after all we get along”. If it’s not love, then it’s nothing.
99 percent of the times she’s in love with someone else. But the other one is always the effect, and never the cause of the end of the relationship. Yet, we inevitably blame him, “If it wasn’t for this as***le…”
In reality, if we had truly loved them… the as***le would have never come into her life. Or if he had had, he’d have been turned down. Instead he came in… to show a breach, a crack, a lack.
Regularly, men become competitive: ‘What does he have that I don’t? Is he better in bed? Is he funnier? Is he smarter?’ But competition is useless , because even if he was the stupidest man on the planet, even if he was the less endowed, or the poorest… if she is in love, if she feels it in her Heart, in her eyes he’s the best in the world. And this is how it should be because opening the Heart also means opening the eyes and being able to see the soul of the other person, beyond his personality… It’s a HEART RECOGNITION. And this opening allows her to “bring into focus” the limits of the previous relationship. And each new love corresponds to a bigger opening: one thing inevitably calls for the other.
So the only effect of our competition is more pain, an identity crisis, low self-esteem, and anger against ourselves. Even if we turn our life upside down, in a desperate try to respond to her new desires, we’re just prolonging our agony.
As anticipated in another post (The state of non-mind) the mind centre and the emotional one get together – in Eastern countries this is called kama-manas –trying to survive the new dangerous situation.
In practical terms, this means that the solar plexus overheats, contracts, hurts, and causes nausea, whilst the whole emotional body shakes. The vibrations of the emotional body reach the mind centre, which starts creating thoughts uncontrollably. The thoughts of the mind are connected to tim, so they will all be either past memories or fantasies on the future.
We start thinking about the years, or months, we spent with her: our promises, the funny moments, the conversations, our projects, sex, hugs, her smell, her face, the way she moves, our sacrifices… Then we project ourselves in the future: maybe she’ll come back (no, she won’t… and if she does it’ll be worse, as fthe final decision will only be postponed; if we meet her we have to say this and that, and if she answer this, we’ll respond with that (hours of imaginary dialogues, that never happened and probably never will).

If we’ve stayed together we could have done…

My life doesn’t make sense without her

I’ll never love like this anymore

I’ll never find another woman like her

Every time we think about all this our solar plexus hurts more and we are more in pain.
Bullshit. If she leaves us it’s because we are ready for something new, more suitable for our inner evolution.
I personally experienced many times how our next love is already behind the corner, and only our attachment to the old and our fear of the new, don’t allow us to see it earlier.
In these moments we can see how DEPENDENT we are on another person to feel complete. If our well-being depends on someone else, we’re condemned to live with the fear of being abandoned and suffering again.
A woman who leaves you puts into play your identity… it forces you to deal with who you really are… and that’s why it hurts so much. Since the Ego doesn’t want to die, here it comes blackmailing – its form of resistance to the flowing of life:

If you leave me you hurt me, you’re heartless!

And yet, the opposite it’s true: she leaves us because she has more Heart than us.

He will leave you when he gets tired of you, while I truly love you and want to be with you forever.

This means you don’t live in the present and just imagine how a relationship will end up just to play with the partner’s fear. A new relationship may last forever or one week… but there’s only HERE AND NOW and only now the relationship can be really lived.

You’re destroying everything we built together!

But what was beautiful can never be destroyed, it’s just moving onto a higher phase of the growth for both of the people. Only what’s not of use anymore can be abandoned.

You’re hurting me too much!

In truth, it’s never really the decision to hurt us, as the break-up only lets out a pain we already had inside and that our relationship hid.
Blackmailing – that sometimes can turn violent – is an attempt of our inner child to hook her astral body, to cause guilt, doubts, fears, and frustrations. It’s our pain that says these words, with the aim to take advantage of her moments of doubts and manipulate her – even if unconsciously and without doing it on purpose – and make her change her mind. These are the last attempts of an Ego that refuses to grow up. If she’s not VIGILANT enough about what’s happening inside her, he can hook her astral body and stir her pain, her fears and worries, so she will find harder and painful to leave.
Until we start being more awake any relationship is not real love, but just a chance to find out who we really are through the partner, who’s our mirror. Ultimately, a relationship serves the purpose to awaken us – sometimes painfully – and not the one of making us obtusely happy like the fairy tales’ families.”