First example: at work, they tell us some people must be laid off, so we might lose our “safe job” in a few months. The HR Manager suggests that we start looking for another job.
Second example: our love partner confesses he/she met someone else, usually this person can give them something we can’t, so – just like the HR Manager – suggests us that we go look for something else! But… obviously… “we can still be friends”!
What happens in the nwxt few days?
Mind and emotions join forces – in the Eastern countries, this “criminal conspiracy” is called kama-manas – trying to survive the dangerous event we’re going through. In practical terms, the solar plexus overheats, tenses, hurts, and makes us feel sick as the whole emotional body vibrates. These vibrations affect our mind, which starts overthinking. Thoughts are connected to time, so we’ll uncontrollably start recalling past memories and future plans.
For instance, in the situation of the first example, we’ll start thinking about all the years we spent in our company: the promises they made, our successes, our more or less nice colleagues, the injustices we’ve had to suffer in silence, our constant patience and devotion to our job (this actually never happened… but our mind will believe it did!). Then, we think about the future: what will we do now? Tomorrow we have to start looking for a new job… where to go first? How will we handle it? What if we find nothing for months?
OMG… our wife… the children… what a tragedy! Why us? Where did we go wrong? At times, we even feel like we want to die.
In the case of the second example about the break-up, we’ll start recalling the time we’ve spent with our lover: their promises, the fun times, the chats, the projects, the sex, the cuddling, their smell, eyes, the sacrifices we made for them… Then we think about the future: maybe they will be back (no, they won’t… but our mind will love picturing our ex knocking on our door begging us to take them back!); if we meet them again, we have to say this and that (losing ourself in neverending imaginary scenarios that will never occur); and then we think about what could have been, we can’t imagine our life without them, and we say we will never love that way again.
Every time we have these thoughts – having our mind and emotions conspired – our solar plexus hurts more and more, and we feel more pain.
It’s important to realize that all these inner dialogues are all MECHANICAL, that is we don’t want them consciously.
How can we stop this? I’ll be honest: if you’re not used to work on yourself through a detached self-observation of your emotional and mental bodies… you’re fucked!
We might stay hours, days, even months… dazed, with our ovethinking, compulsive mind lost in its own inner dialogue, forcing us to feel frustration, discouragement, sometimes even rage or hatred against our company, partner, or the whole world. Our self-awareness hits rock bottom, and we stay prisoners of our fears and survival instincts. And the only thing we can do is waiting for it to go away…
Who’s already done a work on him/herself has some more chances. But I’ll be very honest: a little experience in working on yourself is not enough, you have to have reached the initiation stage allowing you to constantly and properly observe your emotional body. When you reach this stage, emotional storms can’t affect you, even when they are long lasting.
Losing identification with mind and emotions, means you stop giving importance to your mind’s thoughts and emotional body’s vibes.
Example: you’re convinced your mind can find solutions to all your problems so, from your point of view, shutting your mind won’t help you solve your problems. This attitude won’t let you find the true Will to detach from your mind and observe it! If you fear of losing something precious, you’ll never let it go. Yet, when you finally detach from your thoughts and start observing them as a spectator, so many enlightening solutions abound!
This is actually the most important phase, because the moment you deeply realize that your memories and anticipations are nothing but useless to understand a situation or person, you’re just a few steps away from detachment. The emotional pain will be automatically resized and limited in its natural bounds: it’s just the pain of a body, free from psychological pain, like when you hurt your foot.
Nevertheless, pain is a precious Lead (to tranform into Gold); that’s why it should never be rejected but just observed in a state of mindfulness. Anger, revenge, a feel of abandonment, impotence, fear… we can use them all to achieve true Freedom: just when you’re hurting the most, you’re closer to Presence, but you must ride the wave, not go under.
Presence is the shelter of your soul, a door to unconditional Love. It’a making peace with yourself and others. It allows you to act from the Heart. It gives you a feeling of relaxation and vivid attention. A feeling of BEING at the highest level, a feeling of Compassion for the world’s troubles too, and a Heart, burning with passion for Life.
Your ability to be PRESENT, observing your mind/body activity, will decide if, next time, you’ll hurt for a little or a long time.